I've been pondering the word CHOICE.
You see, a dear friend of mine - went out, relapsed.
It hit very close to home for me and underlined exactly HOW Cunning, Baffling and Powerful this disease can be
I instantly thought of one of my favorite lines from the movie/play 'Closer':
"Oh, as if you had no choice? There's a moment, there's always a moment, "I can do this, I can give into this, or I can resist it", and I don't know when your moment was, but I bet you there was one."
I'm not sure why that popped in but it did. I like to think of it a bit gentler in that and more of a we version.
But I really started thinking about - THAT moment. The moment right before the disease takes over, where I imagine sitting on the cusp of despair, doubt, confusion.
I've been telling myself everyday that I'd CHOOSE Faith in that moment, and that I trust in a God that will protect from ever getting to that moment again, God knows I've had it before I got sober, many times. Thinking: I don't want to do this!
and then tipping it back anyway, because I had no awareness of any other way to get through life.
Today I am grateful for that awareness
I am grateful for a God of my understanding who only wants what is best for me
I am grateful that I can learn from those around me
I am grateful that I can feel the emotions I've had this week: Anger, Sadness, Jealousy, Love, Pain, Compassion & Concern
I am grateful for work that keeps busy
I am grateful to have a sober network
I am grateful that when I ask for help, I receive help
I am grateful for smiles
xo - J
1 week ago